“I had a pretty happy childhood.”
If that’s how you feel I definitely don’t have any business arguing with you because who am I to say, maybe you did.
You probably experienced wholesome moments growing. But, at the same time, it’s probable you were inadvertently hurt.
Not necessarily because anyone intentionally tried to hurt you. In fact, unless your parents were deeply troubled, I’m pretty sure your caretakers did everything they could to take care of you the best way they knew how.
The way you got hurt was rather by accident, because you were born into this society and our culture isn’t set up to support the flourishing of young people.
Which, by the way, requires the flourishing of the people who take care of them.
I’m reading the book The Myth Of Normal by Gabor Mate, which recalls the list of needs for an infant's healthy growth:
A deep sense of contact and connection with your caretakers from the get go
Rest from the work of learning who you are
Permission to fully feel your emotions, especially grief, anger, sadness and pain
Authentic, unstructured, safe play involving other people
Those things are so obvious but when you look at your own childhood, do you honestly think that any of these needs were fully met?
I know mine weren’t and my parents are definitely not to blame.
Our culture should do everything to protect parents so they can perform the monumental task of ensuring these needs but it has different priorities.
I’m not saying this to depress you but rather because sometimes being real with ourselves can have a sobering effect.
Which can bring a sense of relief.
It can explain those moments when we feel deeply unsatisfied with our lives and we don’t know why.
Reckoning with these truths also opens the door to healing those deep wounds that our society doesn’t recognize as wounds.
You can reclaim your full self and the big life you deserve to live. It’s possible.