I wish I’d known this sooner

My 51st birthday is the paniciest ever. It delivered an acute awareness of my own impermanence.

I’m worried about what I’ll look like (surprise, surprise) ...

I’m noticing who isn’t “acting” older, or “looking” older, even though they’re older than me. 

What are they doing? What have they figured out? Can I figure it out, too? 

The jury’s still out, but I think I’m starting to get the hang of it.

On my birthday I went to an ecstatic dance event, which I haven’t done in a long time.

At first I stopped attending because of the body shame that accompanies my changing body. 

Then came Covid, which gave me a legitimate reason not to leave the house. 

And now that it’s ok to finally go, it turned into “I’m too old”.

Deciding to go dancing was my chance to stand up to all that BS. 

I experienced tons of pleasure - which I’m intent on exploring for the next part of my life.

And I proved to myself that there’s no valid reason to believe any of these stories. 

I connected with people of all ages. I was fully present and engaged. The language of music and dance extends beyond any age/size/shape.

I learned that the old cliche “age is just a number” is true. BUT, you must refuse to give up the things you love doing – no matter how ridiculous other people may think you are.

I also learned not to be afraid to try new things. No matter how old I am. 

I think the greatest contributor to aging is giving up what we love. 

If you’re older than me and have some wisdom to share or if you have additional thoughts, I’d love to hear. 

Btw, if you’re into these types of questions, there’s a podcast that magically came to me at this exact timing called, “Wiser Than Me” by Julia Drifus. 

She interviews famous older women about their wisdom and advice about aging.

Check it out, it’s a good one.

I don’t know if I agree with all of the tidbits that are mentioned in the interviews, like Jane’s Fonda’s declaration that she won’t get naked in front of a new lover because of all of her scars and marks, but it’s funny and inspiring.