In order to heal from trauma we need to feel safe.

I went into my most recent Somatic Therapy session with the intention to address my insomnia.

My bodymind quickly offered up the memory of being in military training just before the first gulf war erupted.

I was lying wide awake in bed, while the rest of my company was asleep. 

I was all dressed up in my uniform, army boots and gas mask attached to my leg, as instructed by our commanders, waiting and anticipating the siren that would signal that we’re under missile attack. 

As I was recounting this event I realized, with the help of my therapist, how smart it was of my nervous system to keep me wide awake and to wait for the siren so I could run as fast as I could to the sheltered room and save my life.

It made a lot of sense to me that if I hadn't had a chance to process this event through my body and my nervous system fully, my body would be stuck in wanting to protect me by waking up in the middle of the night.

One of the ways to deal with traumatic events is to approach the event by breaking it down into smaller pieces, so as not to overwhelm the system. 

We don’t want to go straight to the eye of the storm so we start by looking at the events leading up to a specific momentThere are so many smaller events that happened long before we knew something bad was going to happen. 

And there are events we can look at that happened after that moment as well. Specifically moments when we realize we’re actually ok.

We tell a little bit of a story. Then we let the body tell its story by noticing sensations, postures, movements and images. Then we go to a place in the body or anywhere else that feels ok to balance the parts of the experience that feel challenging.

Fortunately or unfortunately, as in my case, when you are dealing with traumatic events, it’s not possible to do the work all at once. Progress is made over several sessions.

I ended my session by recalling going back home the first weekend we got released to stay with my brother and his wife. This memory brought up a sense of relative safety, warmth and comfort in my body. 

I know this is just the beginning of me finding the safety that will allow my nervous system to settle so I can sleep soundly.