Nervous system regulation work is boundary work

Nervous system regulation work is boundary work.

Whenever I have a complicated dilemma I need to resolve, I’ve had a sense that I don’t know what to do and that I need to rely on others’ thinking for the answer.

I’m noticing that this is becoming a thing of the past more and more.

I’m able to pause and get myself regulated enough that I can focus my attention on my own bodily reactions so I can find my truth.

I’m learning that whenever I’m not able to find it, it’s a sign that my system is in a state of dysregulation.

Not being able to find my truth when I’m around others is a boundary issue.

My goal is to be able to hear an opinion, especially from those who care about me and want my best. But in order to use their advice effectively, I need to create a healthy container for my inner experience.

I’ll know that I’m able to use other people’s opinions when I’m able to discern what piece of their perspective is valuable and what is not, or what might be coming from their own wounds, anxieties and biases.

I’m realizing that the confusion I experience when I hear someone’s opinion is because I actually know what’s good for me.

But I don’t take time to take care of my nervous system so I can hear it, before I take in others’ opinions and advice.

I can immediately discount my own opinion even before knowing what it is, especially when I sense that it’s different from the other person’s or when I sense that they are tense about the topic.

It feels safer.

I’m basically trying to manage their worries about me which are coming from their own biases and anxieties.

This automatic response comes from the permeable boundaries that I had to keep early on in order to be able to stay constantly attuned to my caregivers dysregulation, so I could manage their level of activation and feel safe in their presence.

As my container grows and my boundaries are getting healthier, I’m noticing my tendencies to take care of other people’s anxieties more and more and sometimes I’m even able to interrupt this pattern.