The Relationship Series: Boundaries

Boundaries.

Everyone knows they’re important, but most people don’t have them.

If the idea of setting boundaries makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone.

A lot of people struggle with even having boundaries, let alone knowing what they are.

There are many reasons for that.

Setting boundaries often involves saying no or asserting  yourself, which can lead to conflict or discomfort.

And honestly, we were taught to prioritize pleasing others over having our own needs met.

And now you might be afraid that setting boundaries will result in rejection or disapproval.

Or you might feel guilty or ashamed for asserting your boundaries, especially if you've been conditioned to prioritize others' needs over your own.

There might be a few reasons you’re having trouble creating boundaries.

See if any of these fit for you:

💖 Enmeshed Relationships: boundaries are blurred or nonexistent. Establishing clear boundaries can disrupt the dynamic.

💖 Past trauma, such as emotional or physical abuse, can make it challenging to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, because they weren’t there when you needed them.

💖 Cultural or familial norms and expectations can influence how you perceive and navigate boundaries too, leading to difficulties in setting boundaries that align with your personal values and needs.

With these in mind, here are some questions* you can ask yourself to see where you might need some support around boundaries:

• Can you connect with your body and experience sensations?

• Are you aware that your body belongs to you?

• Do you feel it’s ok to have boundaries?

• Can you identify your personal boundaries?

• Do you communicate your boundaries effectively and compassionately?

• Do you experience shame when you're unable to maintain your boundaries flawlessly?

If some of these questions make you feel like your relationship to boundaries isn’t so great, I’m here to help!

*The list of questions around boundaries is taken from the Somatica® literature.