To tell or not to tell

There’s something deeply satisfying in sharing your s-xual fantasy or your Core Desires with your partner. It’s about being accepted for exactly who you are no matter how “weird” your desires are.

But most of us stay quiet. We don’t want to be judged. And that causes us to miss out on one of the most intimacy enhancing activities we could have with our partner. 

Our fear about sharing is so understandable  because we live in a s-x negative culture that dictates what’s desirable and what’s not.

Moreover, if our partner shares something that they would love to experience, the judgment that kicks in for us can come from the feeling that we’re the ones who are expected to fill this desire. 

This is why it’s so easy to downplay the importance of our desires or write them off as “crazy” or “perverted.” But what if it’s not your job fulfill our partner’s desires?

What if instead of jumping to what anybody is supposed “to do” we celebrate the fantasies and help our partner feel validated and accepted unconditionally?

When we listen to these desires with curiosity and an attempt to understand and learn more about our partners, it always leads to more closeness and intimacy.

What if we can listen, empathize and even celebrate while holding our boundaries at the same time, knowing that no one can make us do something we don’t want to do? 

If you feel like we can help your partner fill their deepest desires that’s awesome. But honestly, for some people, just listening and celebrating does the trick.

I help people and couples practice having conversations about their deepest desires and how to share them. And the best part is, they learn how to take turns delivering their desires and listening and celebrating them.