What is even better than feeling good?

Sometimes we go into therapy believing it should make us feel good all the time. And if we don’t we conclude that it’s not working.

The idea that therapy is supposed to help you feel good is a myth.

Of course there’s a chance that a specific kind of therapy or= therapist isn’t working for you. But “good feelings” are not an indication of how successful therapy is.

This is particularly true in Somatic Therapy.

We’re literally training ourselves to expand our capacity to tolerate discomfort. We’re becoming more in tune with our internal weather, which isn’t always sunny and clear.

We’re training ourselves to be more sensitive. Being sensitive sucks sometimes because we feel everything, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Expanding our ability to feel will allow us to experience joy more fully which is an incredible side effect of clearing some trauma. But we can’t go into the process expecting that to happen. Certainly not right away.

Usually what happens is that unlocking feelings we’ve suppressed for decades means experiencing all of our feelings more fully - the pain and the joy.

The goal in therapy is not to feel good. The goal is to actually feel. Period.

The more we have access to our feelings and sensations the better chance we have at getting to the core of our trauma and what’s keeping us stuck.

Good therapy gives us tools to contain those feelings and notice that they are not the whole picture. That they can exist alongside completely different experiences.

It also teaches us to be patient and gentle with ourselves as we are experiencing the discomfort in and out of the therapeutic setting and as we learn to accept that this is part of our process.

The good part is that the farther along we are in the process the shorter the painful episodes become because we have cleared some of it out and because we have tools to help us come into regulation.