What NOT to expect from therapy

It’s frustrating when you’re sharing with someone and you get the vibe that they’re trying to fix you.

Well, I now have official personal evidence that this “fix you” vibe comes through whenever you’re with someone. 

Even if you don’t open your mouth.

During my recent Somatic Experiencing training we did a fascinating experiment:

We got to pair up, with one of us being the  “client” and one being “therapist”. 

The therapist was with the client for 6 minutes. Without saying a word.

Within those 6 minutes the therapist got to split the time evenly between mentally holding on to the phrase “I need to fix you” vs. “I trust in your capacity to heal” without telling the client which one they chose first. 

Then there was a debrief where the client got to report how they felt in their body throughout the experience and only then the “counselor” got to “confess” what they were thinking when.

Guess what? The client’s bodily reaction and feeling matched what the counselor was thinking.

I guess they were right when they kept saying that 95% of communication is non-verbal. 

As someone who wholeheartedly believes in the client’s capacity to heal, this was a wake up call. 

I want to make sure I convey that to everyone I work with. I want to become aware of all the different shades that this “I want to fix you” can present itself in. 

I also want to be aware that sometimes the expectation to be fixed can come from the client. I want to make sure that I don’t fall into that trap because it can feel good to “save” people. 

So, help? Yes! Support? Yes. Fix? No can do!