Being told to relax is not that relaxing.

During the Somatic process, the first thing I do is help the client ground and get into their bodies.

This helps us find the inner support necessary to deal with the challenging stuff.

But all throughout that process, there’s one thing you’ll NEVER hear me say …

“RELAX.”

Why?

A. Because it usually doesn’t work

B. Because a somatic process involves noticing what’s already there rather than trying to make anything happen through strain or effort.

By “trying to notice what’s already there” the client gets to notice the place inside that’s already ok. It doesn’t have to be perfect or even good. We can settle for just ok. We can even settle for noticing a place where there’s no tension or pain.

And it’s always there, however small.

When the client finds that place inside, it’s much more powerful than having an external expectation to do that.

I don’t know about you, but when I hear “relax” I can get quite activated which is the exact opposite of relaxed. Even when the invitation is done in a gentle and inviting way.

A lot of people don’t really know what to do with a request to relax anyway. They simply don’t know how, and having an expectation without tools can be quite frustrating. It can even make people feel like they’re a failure.

What you can always do, however, is find that place inside you that feels ok, or just different from the tension you might be feeling in other places.

Finding that place is the first step towards cultivating and growing an authentic state of relaxation that is self-generated.