Different person, same relationship?

Congrats! You’re noticing that you keep choosing the same kind of people over and over again, and you feel ready to change that. 

Maybe the way to change is to work on whatever comes up for you around these relationships. 

That’s definitely one way to go, but what if I told you there’s another way. 

A way that might be more effective …

It involves shifting something inside you called your Internal Workings Models. It represents the way you approach your different inner states. 

That self talk that you’re so familiar with? The quality of it? That’s it. 

Your IWM is determined by how you perceive the level of availability of your caretakers growing up. 

When we constantly feel like the answer to the question, “Will you be there for me?” is no, we develop an insecure attachment which has an effect on how we see ourselves and on our IWM. 

So how does shifting your IWM affect your external relationships?

When you become aware of your partial inner states and learn to relate to each one of  them separately, as a valid part of your experience, with equal importance and meaning, your perspective of others starts to shift as well.

Your perception of reality starts to shift in a way that allows you to see what’s going on in the present more clearly without dissociating or shutting down.

If you tend to choose people who are unavailable for example, as long as you’re disconnected from different inner states, you might not be able to see that unavailability in the “other”.

When you’re not fully available to yourself or to different parts of your experience, you’re not  able to see what’s going on outside, either. 

The more you do this work the more you’re oriented to the present moment rather than to past experiences and are open to new kinds of experiences. 

If clarity in making relationship choices is what you’re looking for, this is the way to go!

Learn how to know your inner state through sensing and feeling your way to them.