Conquer your biggest fear by embodying trust

I’ve had nightmares of falling from some great height. You’ll never see me anywhere near the edge of a cliff.

I don’t know exactly what this fear is about but I suspect it has something to do with losing control, and my most recent struggle with aging.

I have a hunch that this battle is connected to my fear of losing control.

Another manifestation of our desire to hold tight and not accept our own impermanence.

So as I stood there at the edge of the cliff and I decided to rappel down (I had the choice of going down a different way), I knew I’d be facing my fear of heights.

I didn’t want to do it.

Except, I really did want to do it.

I wanted to be free.

I was thinking of death but not in a dreadful way.

I was thinking “that’s always an option but it’s probably not going to happen today and if it does I’m actually happy right now where I am. Physically, in this gorgeous piece of earth, with my dear family and figuratively, where I am in life”.

I was instructed to hold the rope and let go a little bit at a time as I take little steps down the cliff and to lean backwards a little bit. I was told not to grip too tight.

All of these physical instructions gave me an opportunity to practice something in my body: It was about embodying trust.

Trust in the guide that secured me.

Trust in the equipment.

Trust that even if I panic I’ll probably be safe.

Trust in the universe …

And most importantly: trust in my body.

The same aging, changing body that I’m so afraid of right now.

And guess what?

There it was, proving to me yet again that it CAN be trusted.

Honestly, I never thought I’d take on this challenge, at this stage of my life.

I wasn’t planning on doing it during this trip, but somehow I found the courage.

Come to think of it, I probably wouldn’t have found it if I hadn’t done all the hard prep work of releasing some of those deep fears this past year and beyond.

Let’s face our fears together this year, OK? There’s too much possibility and joy out there. I’m ready if you are …