Dating is down. Desire isn’t. So what’s going on?

There’s a term floating around right now:

The “Dating Recession.”

Fewer people are dating.

Fewer people are having s*x.

Fewer people are forming relationships.

At first glance, it’s easy to explain this away.

Blame dating apps.

Blame social media.

Blame COVID.

And yes, all of those play a role.

But from where I sit, working intimately with people around connection, intimacy, and desire…

That’s not the root of it.

What I see, over and over again, is this:

People don’t struggle with dating because they don’t want connection.

They struggle because their nervous system doesn’t feel safe enough for it.

We’re living in a time where:

• There is more exposure than ever (being seen, evaluated, compared)

• And less felt safety in the body

Which creates a painful paradox:

You can deeply want connection…

and still find yourself avoiding it.

Because dating isn’t just logistics.

It’s not just:

“Do I have time?”

“Is this person a match?”

Dating is a full-body experience.

It means:

Being seen

Being desired

Risking rejection

Letting yourself matter to someone

And if your system doesn’t feel safe with that…

You’ll find ways to stay out of it.

That can look like:

Staying on the apps but not actually meeting

Losing interest quickly

Overthinking every interaction

Feeling like you need to “fix” yourself before putting yourself out there

Or quietly opting out altogether.

This is why I don’t see the “Dating Recession” as a motivation problem.

I see it as a safety problem.

Because when the body feels safe:

You don’t need to be perfect to be desirable

You don’t need to perform to be chosen

You don’t need to protect yourself from every possible outcome

You can stay present.

Curious.

Open.