Double whammy
When we talk about healing from body shame there are a few terms that are being used in the body liberation community:
Body Positivity
Body Neutrality
Body Respect
Body Kindness
Body Love
And, Body Acceptance
Are you familiar with any of these? Which one do you resonate with most? Are there others that you heard of that I haven’t listed here?
I like all of them but I do think that some can be somewhat tricky. Take the term body positivity for example, which has also become the name of a soaring movement with some great intentions to combat body shame. The challenge with this term is that it implies we should strive to feel good about our body all the time.
I don’t know about you but as much as I would love to like my body all the time, that is just not true. I don’t think it’s even possible given the strongly ingrained conditioning around the ideal body in our society.
What CAN I do? I can try to accept that this is the body I have, and I can even accept the fact that I don’t like my body.
It happened to me one morning when I was feeling a wave of body shame coming at me and on top of that feeling like I should have already figured out how to like my body, as if there’s some special mandate from the body positivity police to do that. It was a true aha moment to realize that not only do I struggle with liking my body but that I’m shaming myself for not being able to do that. Isn’t that what they call in America a double whammy?
At that moment I heard the following message: “You’re not obligated to like your body and it’s actually not the end of the world if you don’t”. Wait, what? Yes, I guess when I think of it there are worse things than not liking my body. What a relief! I was so grateful to my higher self for that nugget of truth. I stopped worrying about my body for a long period of time after that.
I wish I could tell you that hearing that message had a permanent effect but the truth is that I can't, which is another reason why I like the word “acceptance’ in this context: can I accept the fact that I don’t always like my body and can I accept myself even when I don’t? I can if I think about this as a self-compassion practice which goes like this:
1. Notice your struggle and instead of fighting it, simply accept that you're struggling.
2. Remind yourself that there’s a good reason why that struggle is there and notice that you’re not the only one struggling here.
3. Notice that you are not your struggle and tell yourself that you’re still ok. You’re still valuable and good, in spite of your struggle.
I know it can be confusing so let me make it clear: what’s key here for me is that the struggle is not to accept my body but to accept that I can’t accept it all the time. In this sense, the idea of acceptance is not a destination. I don’t need to pretend that I don’t have that struggle. I don’t have to pretend to like myself when I don’t.
I also like “acceptance” because it applies not only to body shame but to any kind of shame we experience which is at the root of so many of our struggles and our trauma.
Back to body shame, what else can I do when I have trouble liking my body? How else can I practice self-acceptance? I can remember that I am more than a body, that I have unconditional worth and I can also respect my body for what it does for me.
How do I do that? By taking time to connect to the body, to listen to what it has to say, by allowing it to move and deriving pleasure from its ability to move, sense, and feel. In other words, we’re talking embodiment here (see last week’s email). We’re not just talking about acceptance, we’re embodying it.
As we’re moving closer to Embodied Acceptance’s launch date, stay tuned to hear what Embodied Acceptance will look like and what it will all mean to you.