Feelings are not a problem to be solved

“I’m sad,” my kid said to me one day. “Why are you sad,” I asked him. “I dunno…” he shrugged.

The mom in me wanted to know the reason, so I could fix it.

But the therapist in me knew that often there is no reason why, or at least no reason we can name.

You don't need words to explain why you're upset. Trust your body that is working on something and you don’t need to understand it. All you have to do is feel it and the reason might or might not reveal itself.

There might be something in the present that reminds you of old trauma that you didn't have words for.

Maybe it's the time of day, a smell, something that you're not even aware of. Your body/mind is always trying to heal whenever it can tell there’s a little bit of safety to do so.

Sometimes you just need a place where you can fall apart without needing to make sense or explain anything.

There are so many reasons for our feelings.

Chemistry, hormones, seasons, weather, environment, stimulation/lack of stimulation, human contact/lack of it, and on and on.

Feelings, though, are not a problem to be solved.

They’re an experience to ride, a journey to travel. Analyzing them and trying to fix them implies that our feelings are wrong or a sign of brokenness, rather than a sign of connectivity and integration.

The next time you have feelings that don’t seem to have an obvious “reason,” sit and breathe and feel and stop your brain from trying to solve it.