Finding your “No.”

We talk a lot these days about consent, and making space for people to say no. But saying no (or even yes!) has, at its heart, an assumption. The assumption is that we always know, immediately, how we feel, what we want, and what feels true. And this, especially for women, is often not the case.

Most of us, especially those of us lacking multiple privileges, like whiteness, wealth, able bodies, male privilege, straight privilege, and neurotypicality, grow up following the rules. Our bodies, desires, needs, and feelings are often shuttled around for the comfort, convenience, and decisions of Institutions, both educational and religious, and our families. Yes, even in our families, our needs are often not centered, respected, or even considered.

The impact of this on our lives is enormous. If no one asks you what you want, or how you feel, you often stop asking yourself. If no one is asking the question, not even you, the answer stops asserting itself. So, when someone says, “tell me what you want,” or “make sure you say no if you don’t want me to continue,” we can enter an almost paralytic land of not knowing.

In order to get back our yes, no, and maybe, we need to recover from having our feelings and needs ignored for decades, and from ignoring them ourselves. But… how?

Through listening. Through asking the right questions and making a LOT of space for the answers. Through not judging. Through patience and kindness. If you were suddenly fostering an animal who’d been mistreated, you wouldn’t expect them to run to you with trust and loyalty. You’d expect them to be wary, cautious, sometimes disorganized. You’d put in work to earn their trust. You’d shower them with kindness, patience, and make space for their authentic responses without judgement.

This is how we need to treat our healing selves.

My women’s group, “Body Story Community” was created as a rehab for our shut-down spirits to open back up, take space, and ask for what they need. It is a supportive community experience where we will speak, write, and move, all for one purpose: to listen to our own needs, desires, and feelings.

To find out more about how this works, and how you can join, please follow this link: https://embodiedacceptance.com/body-story-community

Body Story Community starts on October 10th.

Registration for this month's classes ends by 10/8.

If you have any thoughts about this or would like to speak to me directly, I’d love to hear from you!