Intimacy: 7 reasons you don’t “feel like it”

If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your desire, you’re not alone. Most women struggle with low libido at some point, and it’s not because something is wrong with you. Your body isn’t broken, and you don’t need to "fix" yourself.

Desire is complex. It’s shaped by emotions, relationships, stress levels, and past experiences.

If sex has felt like an obligation, a source of frustration, or something you just don’t crave anymore, there are real reasons behind that.

Here are 7 common blocks to desire:

1️⃣ Resentment – Unspoken hurts, disappointments, or unresolved conflicts can make it hard to feel connected and open. Emotional weight can shut down desire.

The good news? You can learn the process of repair (my clients thrive when they learn this), a powerful tool for addressing the buildup of resentment. Through communication, emotional honesty, and healing practices, you can clear out the emotional blockages and reconnect.

2️⃣ Loss of attraction (or attraction that was never there) – Attraction might feel like an unchangeable thing, but it can actually be influenced. Learning seduction skills, exploring new dynamics, and shifting the energy between you and your partner can reignite chemistry.

3️⃣ Not getting your core desires met – If you’re not being met in the ways that truly turn you on—emotionally, physically, or energetically—your body won’t respond with desire.

Many women expect their partners to just know what they want. There’s a fairytale belief that "if they really loved me, they would just understand," but the truth is that desire thrives on communication.

If you don’t fully know what turns you on—or you’ve never learned to voice it—your needs may go unmet. The key is learning to identify what truly arouses and excites you, and then having the tools to ask for it.

4️⃣ Overwhelm & stress – When you’re constantly in "go mode," or carrying a mental load that never stops, your nervous system doesn’t have the capacity to shift into pleasure.

But here’s the irony—sex can actually be a powerful tool for stress relief and mental well-being.

When approached with presence and connection, intimacy can help regulate the nervous system, release built-up tension, and create feelings of safety and relaxation. However, when sex feels like one more thing on your to-do list, it can have the opposite effect.

5️⃣ Negative body image – When we don’t feel desirable, we often don’t feel deserving of pleasure.

If you’re critical of your body or feel disconnected from it, it’s hard to let yourself be seen, touched, or adored. But the truth is, desire isn’t about looking a certain way—it’s about feeling at home in yourself.

Everyone is deserving of experiencing pleasure, and healing your relationship with your body can open the door to deeper intimacy and self-love.

6️⃣ Painful sex – If sex has been physically uncomfortable, your body will learn to avoid it.

Desire can’t thrive when pain is present. But pleasure doesn’t have to disappear just because penetration is painful.

One of the ways I help clients is by widening their definition of sex—exploring sensuality, intimacy, and connection beyond traditional intercourse. There are so many ways to experience deep pleasure, eroticism, and connection that honor what feels good to your body right now.

7️⃣ Past sexual trauma – Unprocessed trauma can create deep emotional blocks around intimacy, safety, and trust. A trauma-empowered approach helps you reclaim your desire by gently unraveling these emotional and physical blocks.

Through somatic practices, safety-building, and cultivating new ways to connect with your body, you can heal from the past and begin to feel more alive, safe, and open to pleasure again.

The good news? You can find your way back to desire.

As a Somatica practitioner, I help women reconnect with their sexuality through deep emotional exploration, nervous system regulation, and experiential practice.

This isn’t about pushing yourself—it’s about understanding what’s blocking your desire, healing what needs care, and discovering new pathways to pleasure.

You deserve to feel turned on, alive, and connected. If any of this resonates, let’s talk. Hit replay and send me a message or book a free consultation call here.