My secret birthday wish …

I love when my birthday comes around.

With every year that passes, I get closer to being the real me.

I’m realizing that my nervous system is craving a slower pace.

I know how to do things quickly, but when I slow down, I feel like I’m finally home.

I’m not always able to heed the call of my body, but I know what it’s asking me.

This year it seems like the universe is listening too.

Because this year on my birthday, my house is going to be empty.

And if I can be totally honest with you, part of me is totally psyched.

It’s the first time in my adult life that I don’t need to answer to anyone.

And something in me is excited about the idea of no plans.

My intention is not to schedule anything.

It feels so good in my body to write that sentence. I’m taking a deep breath.

Funny thing is, as soon as my house empties today, I’ll probably panic. I won’t sit still. I won’t know what to do first.

No surprise here. Even though I crave this quiet, slow time, it’s still not a familiar place.

So, I’m sitting with it.

I feel the unpleasant sensations in my body and invite the rest of my body to help me contain this experience.

I finally hear what the panic is saying: “You need to make sure you have unstructured time!”

I’m amused by the sense of urgency. After all, it’s imploring me to have fun. But urgent fun, apparently.

It’s afraid I’m going to fail my own goals.

I have empathy for this part of me. I understand it’s just trying to take care of me.

I’m able to hold it with compassion and also see the other part which is being affected by this sense of urgency. It wants the opposite of urgency. It wants spaciousness and freedom.

I have empathy for that one, too. It’s feeling oppressed and crowded out.

I’m allowing myself to experience this sense of spaciousness and freedom in my body and it’s starting to expand.

This part is now talking to the urgent part and teaching it how to be more peaceful. The urgent part is slowly starting to release its grip on trying to control things.

I’m aware that it’s allowing itself to do that because I listened and treated it with compassion.

I thank all my parts and my body’s processes for talking to me.

This is how I become whole again. What a birthday gift.