Permission to misbehave: granted!
Do you ever feel like life is happening to you, and you don’t get a say?
Like your ability to say “no” got buried so long ago. And now … you’ve forgotten how to say it?
If so… you might have adopted the Character Strategy called Unfree.
This strategy often forms around ages 3 to 4, a time when children start asserting independence.
But what if every attempt to explore or express yourself was met with:
Controlling or interfering caregivers
Scolding, rushing, or constant correction
Overwhelm or anxiety from those around you
A hovering presence that didn’t allow space
You may have learned:
“I don’t get to choose.”
“My wants don’t matter.”
So you adapted. You became helpful, obedient, responsible.
You kept the peace.
But underneath, there may be a quiet weight of guilt, pressure, and shame.
And a part of you that stopped pushing back, not because you didn’t want to, but because it felt useless.
This pattern often shapes your experience of sexuality.
You might find yourself longing for:
Permission to be a little bad
Freedom to resist, break rules, or tease
To be taken, exposed, or pushed—safely and with care
Playful power dynamics that turn old patterns inside out
S*x can become a place to explore the parts of you that were never allowed.
At the heart of this strategy are core desires:
To feel free to choose and say no
To be accepted, even in your resistance
To play, push back, and be met
To feel shameless in your desire
To be seen in your boldness and in your vulnerability
To surrender on your terms
To break a rule and still be loved ❤️
When these needs are met with care, something softens.
You begin to move from obligation to choice.
Desire becomes something you can listen to, not silence.
And intimacy becomes a place where freedom and connection coexist.
If this resonates, you’re not alone.
You’re not too much. You adapted in a wise and powerful way. And there is a path forward.
I work with individuals and couples as a s*x and relationship coach to explore these patterns with curiosity and compassion. Together, we can find new ways into intimacy, pleasure, and self-expression.
*Character Strategies as defined by the Somatica Method*