No thanks, I’ve got it

Do you pride yourself on being ultra-independent but secretly crave deeper connections? You might have adopted the Character Strategy of the Under-dependent.

Character strategies are emotional survival patterns we develop early in life, in response to relational wounds.

They shape how we connect, protect, and relate in intimacy.

Including how we show up in s*x.

The core belief of the Underdependent is: “I can’t rely on others. I can take care of myself”.

This wound often forms between 18 to 30+ months, a time when children begin to explore autonomy but still need support, protection, and attunement from caregivers.

If you were rewarded for being self-sufficient, or left to figure things out alone, you may have learned to over-function emotionally, to be independent out of necessity.

Asking for help felt risky, and maybe even shameful. It can still feel that way, even as an adult.

So you learned to take care of your own needs quietly, efficiently, without making waves.

The Under-Dependent character often shows up as:

🌀 Difficulty asking for or receiving help

🌀 Discomfort with emotional vulnerability

🌀 Feeling burdened by others needs

🌀 Wanting connection but needing space

🌀 A strong identity built on being self-reliant and “low maintenance”

But this strategy doesn’t mean you don’t want closeness.

It just means safety once came from not needing anyone too much.

In intimacy and s*x, the core desires of the Under-Dependent character are unique and powerful:

✨ Independence

✨ Mutuality

✨ Trust without pressure

✨ Collaborative connection

✨ Freedom from responsibility for others

✨ Equality

✨ Passion

✨ Wild, animalistic energy

You may feel most fulfilled when there’s space to be yourself, to be met as an equal, to explore connection that’s mutual, embodied, and free from obligation.

If this is your strategy, I love working with you. And I’ve worked with so many who do.

And while culture might applaud your independence, you might feel lonely underneath it all or struggle to let others truly in.

As a S*x & Relationship coach, I don’t try to break down your independence. I honor it.

Instead, we explore how to keep your autonomy while learning to receive, and how to get those deeper needs met, especially in intimacy without giving up who you are.

You get to be wild and free and connected.

You get to be self-sufficient and deeply met.

It is possible to reclaim connection on your terms.