The best way to change an old pattern

Sometimes a client walks in knowing they have a rigid pattern, a trauma response they’ve been operating from for a while. By the time they sit down with me, they know they’re ready to shift.

Through the safe therapeutic process, the nervous system has space to regulate, so the client is able to experience the opposite of their normal pattern.

For example, if they’re usually guarded, they can have a sense of being open and available for connection.

What happens almost automatically is that my client’s attention is drawn back to how the pattern plays out in their lives. Then comes the thought, “This is what it’s always been like.” It can feel incredibly frustrating.

I validate the client’s experience of feeling stuck and then guide them to notice that this is not the whole picture. And we know that because they were just able to experience the exact opposite in their body a moment ago.

It wasn’t a theoretical idea, they actually felt it.

Being able to feel it means that this option is available to them just as much as the pattern.

Then I invite them to see how it would feel to choose to stay with the experience of “open for connection” for a little while longer. They’ll see that they can make space for it in their body. They can let it grow.

This is how a present moment experience of “open" can grow and overshadow the experience of “guarded”.

The more they stay with what they feel in the present moment, the more they’re able to introduce new choices in their daily behavior. This allows them to move from fixity to flow.

This not only introduces a different way to be in our bodies than we might be used to, it will often allow the fixed energy to move out of the body.

This can happen through trembling and shaking, which is a sign that trauma is being discharged and re-negotiated. It’s really powerful, and it lasts.

Here are a few more examples to how you can change an old pattern by spending time noticing an opposite bodily experience in the present.

If you feel constricted - experiencing a sense of expansion in the body

If you feel guarded - experiencing a sense of openness in the body

If you feel powerless- experiencing a sense of power in the body

If you feel isolated - experiencing a sense of support in the body

If you feel scattered - experiencing a sense of groundedness in the body

If you feel physical discomfort - experiencing a sense of pleasure in the body