What my head told me about baby Odelia

My head has been a mystery for me. Like the way it’s totally fine turning to the left but not so fine to the right.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in my studio listening to how it wants to move and letting it lead the way, enlisting the rest of the body at its service.

I thought that maybe if I hang out with it enough, it’ll reveal some interesting truths.

And reveal it did!

The curiosity and compassion paid off. I went to a spa and was really surprised how much I enjoyed an unusually strong jet stream coming forcefully down my head. 

After staying under it for a while I heard the  thought: “Your head wasn’t held properly as a baby”.

I’ve been trying to keep an open mind about this thought.

And that paid off, too.

Today my somatic therapy session started with some Authentic Movement.

I felt a lot of tension in my head, neck and shoulders, but moved in ways that were gentle and nurturing. At some point I felt some activation in my chest and I put my hand there. The hand was gently guiding my chest in and hollowing my back into a slight collapse. 

I paused to report on my experience and as I recreated that last movement I started crying. 

Then I remembered that head message from the spa and suddenly everything made sense.

The tension and the collapse were about my head being too heavy to carry and my neck and shoulders needed a break from supporting it. 

My therapist asked me if I had a sense of what my head needs and an image emerged that took shape in my hands. One hand was supporting a baby’s imaginary head and the other supporting its tiny body. 

I felt that shape in my body both from the side of the baby being held and from the side of the adult me doing the holding. 

Then I brought “the baby” to my chest, rocked them and let them feel my skin and my warmth. On the baby’s side it felt so comforting and safe. On the “adult me” side it just felt so right. 

If this is not powerful stuff, I don’t know what is!

I made amazing connections without saying one word or recounting my childhood.