The secret to romance most men never learn

A lot of men think of romance as something “extra,” something women want, but something that doesn’t come naturally to them.

And honestly, I get it.

If you’re doing something that feels forced or scripted, it’s going to feel awkward.

But here’s the thing: for many women, romance isn’t just fluff.

It’s meaningful because it touches something deeper.

In Somatica, we talk about Core Desires -  the emotional experiences people want to feel in intimacy.

For many women, those include things like:

✨ Feeling chosen - “You could have anyone, but you want me.”

✨ Feeling adored - “You see my beauty and you love it.”

✨ Feeling special  - “You thought about me, specifically.”

✨ Feeling safe and connected - “You see me and you’re here with me.”

That’s what romance really is.

It’s not about the flowers or the fancy dinners - it’s about helping her feel these things.

And if classic romantic gestures don’t feel natural to you, that’s totally okay.

You can find your own way to create those feelings.

It might be a text that says, “I can’t wait to see you.”

Or taking something off her plate when she’s stressed.

Or just looking at her in that way that says, you’re mine.

At the same time, there’s nothing wrong with gestures like flowers or notes -  especially when they come from a genuine place, when you’ve thought about her.

The magic isn’t in the gesture itself, but in the message underneath:

“I see you. I choose you. I want you.”

That’s what romance is really about.

Not performance -  presence.

Not the gesture - the feeling it creates.

If you want to understand your partner on a deeper emotional level - to connect through presence, curiosity, and attunement - this is the work I love helping people with.