The surest way to respond to a stressful moment with calm

I have some clients who have no problem coming to a state of regulation when we’re together in the therapeutic space, but as soon as they find it, a voice says: “I can’t stay regulated when something bad happens in real life.”

It may seem like we need to have tools to deal with upsetting moments when they happen, but what if the way to go is to practice regulation when things aren’t as stressful?

When you exercise regulation on a regular basis, it’ll have a direct effect on how you respond to anxiety provoking situations in real time.

Toning your nervous system is exactly like going to the gym and toning your muscles. You get stronger overall by strengthening specific muscles.

When you engage in activities that have a regulating effect on a regular basis, your whole system’s capacity to deal with adversity gets bigger.

What does that mean you might ask? You won’t believe how simple the answer is.

Basically doing things that feel good and taking the time to notice their effect on the body.

It doesn’t have to be a long activity – what’s more important is consistency. It’s important to do something like this everyday.

I like to start every day with some embodied movement. This can be 10 minutes or an hour. Depending on the day.

Sometimes it can be just neck rolls but doing those in a way that I’m present to what it actually feels like.

I also try to find 10-20 minutes where I can just lie down and notice what is going on in my body, making it a point to also become aware of what actually feels ok in there.

If I have the longer end of the time range I might also spend a few minutes noticing what is going well or what I’ve been enjoying in my life and feeling all of these good things in my body.

Listening to music can be quite regulating for me as well. If I feel like I’ve been doing something that requires a lot of focus. Listening to music feels like a break to my system.

What are things that you are already doing that feel good?

If you just add an intention to pause and notice their effect on the body you can check off the “daily nervous system regulation practice” box.