What happens when you don’t feel safe …

When the world doesn’t feel safe… we learn to float above it.

This is email 1 in the Character Strategy* series about the “Unsafe” character.

This strategy often forms very early in life - in the womb, in infancy, or before language - when your nervous system is asking:

“Is it safe to land here? Can I trust the world, my caregivers, my body?”

If the answer is no - because of overwhelm, inconsistency, or lack of emotional attunement - you adapt.

You might become soft, sweet, spiritual, or highly intellectual.

You learn to survive by staying up and out - watchful, sensitive, disconnected from sensation.

This isn't a weakness.

It’s your system doing whatever it had to do to stay safe.

And here’s the tender truth:

This strategy often creates a unique kind of sexuality, one that is deeply energetic, emotional, or transcendent.

Sex might be about merging, leaving the body, becoming light, or becoming one with the universe.

Underneath the strategy lives a set of Core Desires - longings that, when fulfilled, bring the body home:

🌿 Safety -  emotional, energetic, physical

🌿 Calm - to be regulated and soothed through connection

🌿 Aliveness  - sensation without overwhelm

🌿 Merging - soul-level connection, beyond words

🌿 Containment - being held emotionally and energetically

🌿 Transcendence - through embodied spirituality

🌿 Primal/Naturalness - to feel wild, human, and real - without danger

When these desires are met, sexuality softens and deepens.

Pleasure becomes something you can stay with, not escape from.

Intimacy becomes a place of co-regulation, not overwhelm.

And sex becomes less about floating away and more about finally arriving.

If this speaks to you… you're not alone.

You’re not broken.

You’re beautifully adaptive.

And there is a path home. 💗

I work with individuals and couples as a sex & relationship coach to help you embrace your unique patterns and transform them into pathways for intimacy, pleasure, and connection.

You can learn how to work with your tendencies - not against them.