Hold Me and Tell Me I'm Precious

Do you long to be held, adored, or deeply cared for? Do those parts in romance novels make your knees weak? When someone is fought for, protected, cherished and loved?

If so, you might have adopted an Over-Dependent Character Strategy to cope with the developmental task of dependency.

At the core of this strategy is a tender belief:

No one will truly take care of me.

This wound often begins between 6 - 18 months - a time when we rely on consistent, attuned care to feel safe and loved.

If that care was unreliable, overwhelming, or unavailable, we learn to keep reaching - hoping, on some level, that someone might finally show up for us.

The Over-Dependent character may show up as:

🌀 A strong pull toward closeness and reassurance

🌀 Struggles with being alone or self-soothing

🌀 Idealizing partners, then feeling let down

🌀 Fear of abandonment

🌀 A sense of emotional or erotic hunger that never quite gets filled

Your wounds shape your Core Desires, which is the way you want to feel in intimacy and sex.

These desires don’t disappear with age.

These CDs are what an Under-Dependent might want to experience in order to be aroused and fulfilled sexually:

✨ To be cared for

✨ Attuned to

✨ Supported

✨ Adored

✨ Pampered

✨ Babied

✨ Loved unconditionally

✨ Held

Tbh, this is one of my main character strategies. For a long time, I felt like I was too much - too needy, too sensitive, too emotional.

But learning about this strategy helped me make sense of that longing - and begin to meet it with compassion, instead of shame.

And, maybe most importantly, to be clear and quite specific in sharing with my partner how exactly I want to be loved.

What words I want to hear (that I’m the most precious thing in the whole wide world), how I want to be handled (lots of eye gazing, cooing and gooing) and how I want to be touched (lots of little kisses on the forehead).

When asked what I’m looking for sexually I even declare that I have an adoration kink ;)

It took a lot for me to be able to name my needs without apology.

To let myself receive.

As a S*x and Relationship coach, I don’t try to “fix” these strategies - because they aren’t flaws.
I support you in embracing them and discovering how to heal through pleasure by letting those desires be seen, felt, and met.