What healing through S-X looks like…

Sharing with permission: I have a client who grew up in an unstable environment. Her parents didn’t see her as her own person. They could only see her when they projected their own needs onto her. 

Their view of the world was black and white Which means she was labeled as “bad” quite often. She grew up believing that there’s something deeply wrong with her.

There was a lot of shame around forming her own wants and desires. 

We worked together and healed that wound through s-x (yes, that’s what I do!). 

We figured out that one of her Core Desires (her fantasy, how one wants to feel during s-x and intimacy) was to feel appreciated. To have someone see her for who she was and notice that not only was there nothing wrong with her, but that she’s awesome. 

She needed to hear it through specific words that describe her uniqueness. It was the only way she could feel seen.

She managed to find a lover that had the capacity to give that to her and she bravely asked them to do just that.

She asked for what she needed and she got it. That was a triumph in and of itself, but there was an additional layer to explore. 

Her lover listed all the ways she’s wonderful, and it felt good in the moment. The trouble was that she couldn’t remember those things a minute later. 

When I work with people on their core desire to be seen, sometimes there’s so much shame that even if they are appreciated deeply, the appreciation has nowhere to land. 

My job is to help them create a landing strip in their body for the appreciation to land. 

I take on the role of the lover and I give the client exactly what they want to hear or I come up with everything I like about them. However, this can easily overwhelm their defenses. So we go slowly and I let them guide the right pace for their system.

If they’re not able to take it in, we slow down even more and we notice the shame and how it manifests in their body on a physical level.  

If you resonate with this journey and feel a longing to heal your own wounds around acceptance, worthiness, or desire, I’d love to support you.