What if they know you want them?

Sometimes the scary part of dating isn’t not knowing whether they like you.

It’s letting them know that you like them.

I’ve been noticing this in myself lately.

There are moments when I want to let someone know I’d like to see them again, that I’m open to getting closer, that there’s room for more.

And then I notice what can happen afterward:

Did I show too much?
Was I too available?
Did I make it too easy?
Should I pull back now?

Because somewhere along the way, many of us learned that desire needs uncertainty to survive.

That if someone knows we want them, we lose some of our power.
That being a little unavailable keeps someone interested.
That we have to reveal exactly the right amount of desire, enough to encourage pursuit, but not enough to make ourselves feel exposed.

But what if the goal isn’t to become better at managing someone else’s desire?

What if the goal is to discover whether their desire can coexist with yours?

Because if someone loses interest simply because they discover that you like them, want to see them again, or would welcome more closeness, that’s important information.

Not information that you showed too much.

Information about what happens for them when intimacy becomes mutual.

There’s a difference between chasing someone and allowing yourself to be known.

There’s a difference between demanding closeness and saying, There’s room here for you to come closer.

Secure relating doesn’t require pretending you care less than you do.

It asks something much more vulnerable:

Can I let you know that I want you and stay connected to myself while I find out what you do with that information?