Dating App Conversations Shouldn’t Feel Like This Much Work

I matched with someone recently and his first message was:

“Good morning 😍 How was your night?”

And I noticed myself thinking: I am so tired of answering this question.

Not because there’s anything wrong with it. It’s perfectly pleasant. But after enough time on dating apps, I’ve realized how exhausting it can feel to constantly be handed a conversation and then have to figure out how to make it interesting.

So this time I simply answered:

“My night was good 😊”

That’s it. No “How was yours?” No new question to keep the conversation moving.

Not as a game. Not to test him. I simply answered the question he asked and left some room for him to show me what he wanted to do next.

And it got me thinking about dating-app openers.

If you’re going to message someone, give them something to work with.

“Hey, how are you?”
“How was your night?”
“How’s your day going?”

There’s nothing wrong with these questions. But they put most of the conversational work on the person receiving them.

You don’t need a brilliant pickup line. You don’t need to perform or impress. Just show a little curiosity.

Look at their profile. What caught your attention? What made you want to match with them? Is there something they wrote that you genuinely want to know more about?

Instead of:

“How was your weekend?”

Try:

“I saw you’re into live music. What’s a concert you still talk about?”

Instead of:

“Good morning, beautiful.”

Try:

“Okay, I need the story behind that photo…”

Give them a thread they can actually pick up.

And if you send “How was your night?” and they respond, “It was good 😊,” don’t necessarily assume they’re not interested.

They answered your question.

Now it’s your turn to bring something to the conversation.

And this isn’t a gendered thing. We can all do it.

Connection is something we create with each other. And dating becomes a whole lot less exhausting when neither person is doing both people’s share of the connecting.

If dating has you questioning how much to pursue, how much to hold back, or how to create more reciprocal connections, click HERE to book a discovery call.