Yes, you’re allowed to want to be wanted

Do you feel like your worth depends on how much you do or how well you perform?

Like if you stop trying so hard, you’ll disappear?

This might be the Unworthy character strategy speaking.

This strategy often forms between ages five and six when you begin to express your gifts, your creativity, and your individuality.

But if the love you received felt conditional based only on your looks or your achievements, you may have learned to seek attention through performance.

You might have internalized beliefs like:

💭 “I have to prove I’m worthy”

💭 “I need to be pleasing, productive, or perfect to be loved”

💭 “My value comes from how desirable or competent I am”

So you adapted. You became sweet, seductive, helpful, high achieving.

You learned how to earn love.

But under the praise and approval, there may still be an ache.

A question: “Would I still be worthy of love if I stopped trying?”

In intimacy, this can look like:

✨ Wanting to feel desirable, needed, or chosen

✨ Getting turned on by being used or taken advantage of (with consent)

✨ Craving reassurance that you're beautiful, impressive, and enough

✨ Trying to be the best lover, the best partner, the most giving or pleasing

These desires aren’t twisted.

They’re brilliant and sacred.

They’re part of how we heal through repetition with agency.

When YOU choose to be used or approved of, when YOU seek out being needed or celebrated, you take back the power. Pleasure becomes a path to rewriting the story.

Core Desires are what we want to feel during s*x and they are a direct path to healing our wounds through pleasure.

In this strategy they often include:

❤️ To feel worthy just for being

❤️ To be seen, celebrated, and deeply appreciated

❤️ To feel beautiful, attractive, desirable

❤️ To be used or taken advantage of in a way that feels chosen and safe

❤️ To be needed, fulfilling, and irreplaceable

❤️ To be approved of and chosen again and again

When these needs are met with love and care, the shame begins to melt.

You stop chasing worth and start resting in it.

Your relationships become places of nourishment, not performance.

You don’t need to prove your worth. You already have it.✨