Is it *really* “self-improvement” if it makes you feel bad?

Sometimes, self‑improvement is just shame in prettier clothes.

For me, it can slip in quietly, the moment I notice something I don’t like about myself, and can’t seem to change it.

The voice begins: *You *should* be able to fix this. You should be better by now.*

Lately, I’ve seen how hard it is for me to rest in contentment.

How quickly my mind scans for what’s missing, instead of drinking in what’s already here.

I’ve named this before, the Over‑Dependent part of me.

It’s even been called a growth edge for my sign.

Any Cancers here?

Naming it was a relief… until it became a trap.

I thought, “Fine. I’ll just decide to be satisfied.”

“I’ll start a gratitude practice. I’ll whip myself into joy.”

But you can’t bully yourself into peace.

And anyway, it’s human to notice the cracks. (We call it the negativity bias, no?)

Here’s what I know, in my bones, and in my work as a S*x and Relationship Coach:

Real growth doesn’t come from tightening the reins.

It comes from loosening them.

From meeting the part of me that’s scanning for lack,

and saying: “Of course you do. Of course you learned this.”

Once upon a time, that vigilance kept you alive.

You didn’t get what you needed,

but you kept asking.

You never gave up on yourself.

And that is not a flaw.

That is devotion.

When we welcome these parts home, and ask them to tell us what they need,

space opens. And only in that space… we can finally notice what’s good.

What’s here.

What’s enough.