A different kind of menu

A sex menu is a fun tool designed to help partners explore and communicate their sexual preferences, boundaries, and fantasies.

Think of it as a restaurant menu, but instead of food, it’s filled with intimate experiences you want to try, avoid, or consider.

A sex menu can include categories such as types of touch, kissing styles, positions & techniques, role-play & fantasies, communication & aftercare.

How to Create and Use a Sex Menu:

1.Create Separately - Each partner fills out their own menu independently to reflect on their desires, boundaries, and interests. Include:

  • Activities you’re excited about.

  • Things you’d consider trying.

  • Hard limits or absolute “no” activities.

**Pro Tip:** Find templates online or simply divide a paper into **Yes, No, Maybe** sections.

2. Set the Mood - When both partners have completed their menus, find a comfortable, private setting free from distractions. It could be a cozy evening at home with some wine or tea. This is a judgment-free zone, and not the time to act on the menus, but just to discuss them.

  • Start Positive: Begin by sharing what’s on your “Yes” list. Discuss mutual interests to set a positive tone.

  • Explore “Maybe” Items: What would make these activities comfortable or enjoyable?

  • Respect “No's: Acknowledge your partner’s boundaries without judgment or pressure.

3.Ask Open-Ended Questions - Encourage dialogue by asking:

  • “What about this activity excites you?”

  • “How would you like me to approach this?”

  • “Are there any activities that make you nervous? If so, why?”

  • “What kind of aftercare would you like after trying something new?”

4. Revisit Regularly - Your sex menu is a living document, and as your relationship evolves, so will your preferences. Revisit it every few months or after trying something new. Celebrate how your intimacy has developed!

5. Don’t Treat It Like a Checklist - A sex menu is not a to-do list. Use it to deepen intimacy, spark ideas, and open up conversations. Before a date night, look at your menu and discuss a few things you’d like to explore together.

6. Use Non-Verbal Cues - Even with a sex menu, consent and comfort levels can change in real time. Use non-verbal cues, safe words, or signals to check in during exploration.

Odelia Shargian