A very personal letter

Today, I wanted to share with you a letter that I wrote to my dear ones in Israel whom I haven’t seen in a year. I’m sharing this very personal letter in the hopes that my process can inspire others along the way. And, it’s also directly related to big changes that I will be sharing with you soon.

Before I get to the letter, I wanted to remind you that I’m taking the month of August off to go visit my family and friends in Israel and I’ll be back in the studio in September. I’ll still be in touch through my email newsletter. There are big and exciting changes down the line.

Now to the letter...

Dear family and friends,

I’m really excited about getting to see you soon. It's been a while since the last time we saw each other and I wanted to give you a little heads up and ask for your support.

When you see me you might notice that I gained weight. I know most of you may not think this is a big deal but some of you may worry about me and my health.

I want you to know that I’m ok. Some of you know that I experienced an eating disorder when I was younger. I recently realized that I haven’t completely healed and I decided to do what it takes to complete my healing process. Healing fully means that I’ve had to stop trying to control my weight and food intake, even if it meant that I would gain weight.

Making this decision has forced me to accept myself the way I am, unconditionally, which is what I believe is the very task that the universe is asking me to try to master in this lifetime and what has been at the core of my disordered eating and body image struggles.

This decision has been one of the hardest ones in my life. I often look at my body and don’t like what I see and yet since I decided that I’m never going to diet again there’s no way out but to figure out how to be compassionate, kind and accepting of myself. I have to keep reminding myself that the only reason that I don’t like what I see is because I’ve internalized the strong messages from society saying that there’s something wrong with me if I’m fat and that this message is deeply wrong.

As much as it has been challenging, making this decision has been also the most liberating one. It has had an incredible effect on my mental health and my relationships. My mind, which has been sequestered by an obsession around food and looks over the years, has been freed to think and focus on the more important things in life. I’m enjoying eating, which is one of the biggest pleasures in life, in a way that I have never before. Ironically, I feel much lighter and Yoel and the kids say that I’m much more fun to be around.

I know that might still not be enough to reassure some of your worries, so I want you to know that I have been going through this process with eyes wide open and with some professional support.

I’ve practically done a PHD on issues related to weight and I’m actually in the process of becoming certified as an Intuitive Eating Counselor.

I’ve come to believe that I can be healthy and happy at my current weight. I've also learned both from personal experience and studying the physiology of weight regulation that dieting and trying to lose weight typically causes more problems than they solve and are usually unsuccessful, despite strong determination and willpower. As a result I’ve switched my focus to feeling better about the body I currently have and improving my lifestyle habits for health and well-being rather than weight change. I am not giving up – I am moving on.

I’d like to ask for your support. Mainly that means that to the extent that you are worried about me, you can stop worrying and trust that I know what I’m doing. Also, I know most of you wouldn’t dare to think about doing this, but just in case you feel like commenting on my weight, I want to request that you don’t.

On the other hand, if you’re genuinely curious about my process and what I’ve learned I’d be more than happy to share.

Thank you for your love and concern.

That's the letter. Full disclosure, I'm scared to send this and to share it with you but I know this is the right thing to do. I decided to take on body liberation and I think I need to start with me.

Next time you'll hear from me I'll be in Israel so goodbye for now and I hope you have a nice rest of the summer.