"Are we okay?"
In your intimate relationships:
Do you seek constant validation and reassurance?
Experience jealousy or fear of being replaced?
Become overly sensitive to signs of potential rejection?
Have difficulty trusting your partner’s feelings or commitment?
Feel insecure about your worthiness in the relationship?
You might be anxiously-attached my friend!
There’s no shame. And if it’s any consolation, I am too!
Anxious attachment is a style characterized by a deep fear of rejection and abandonment, often rooted in inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving experiences during childhood.
You may feel a constant need for reassurance, closeness, and validation from your partner. You can become preoccupied with your relationships, worrying about whether you’re truly loved or valued, and might use any small sign of distance or ambivalence to mean you’re about to be rejected.
You may also ruminate on relationship issues, struggle with independence, or fear that a partner’s personal space means they’re about to leave.
The hardest thing about being anxiously attached is that it can be challenging to fully enjoy the moments we spend with our love partner because we’re too busy thinking about the next time we’re going to see them or if there even will be a “next time”.
You’re rarely in the present moment, because you’re already preparing for the “end”.
When I work with anxiously attached clients in my relationship lab, I start by inviting them to notice that I’m there and see how much they can take my presence in.
As soon as they attempt to do that, their mind goes to their anxious thoughts which represent lack and what’s missing.
I gently point them back to noticing what’s here now and stay with that. We take as much time as we need for their nervous system to slow down and register that there’s someone there with them and that it’s actually safe.
If you find it challenging to stay present, I’m here to help.