Feeling “unlucky” in love? This might be why …

If your need for human connection wasn’t met when you were younger, you may have formed an insecure attachment with your caregiver.

That can lead to one of two strategies (or sometimes both):

The avoidant strategy (“I don’t need anyone thank you!”)

The anxious strategy (“I won’t stop going after you until I’m sure my needs are met”)

Your attachment style may affect the way you show up in relationships as an adult.

Now that doesn’t sound too good, does it?

You might be thinking, “Wait a minute. Does that mean if I have an anxious attachment in my past, there’s no other way for me to be?”

Not at all.

The good news is, secure attachment can be earned.

Just as you taught yourself to be avoidant or anxious, you can learn alternative behaviors that will enable you to have a secure attachment to friends and partners as an adult.

As someone with a fearful attachment style (the adult version of anxious attachment), I’m learning to heal from this attachment wound by coming back to my center and not relying solely on external reassurance.

I take stock of the different ways I’m being loved or shown that I’m lovable, by no other than myself.

Which means: I’m building a secure attachment to myself.

Every time I take care of my well-being, I see that as proof that I’m being loved.

Everything I do: moving, meditating, resting, connecting and relating to my inner state, I can do on automatic-pilot, OR I can pause to notice that I just did something to take care of myself.

I can see it as: “This is me being loved right now”.

If you look back at your day, what are some of your proofs that you’re being loved by the universe at large, other people/animals and yourself?

Sit with at least one of those things for a couple of moments and notice the sensations it creates in your body.