How to befriend your anger

A therapist of mine used to often say, when I was discussing a painful or traumatic experience or feeling, “Why are you smiling?”

At the time, I’ll admit I hated it.

“It’s a defense mechanism!” I wanted to shout, “Just let me have it.”

Over time, I started to recognize that it was my fear of my own anger, and sometimes my sadness, that kept me “smiling through the tears.”

If you identify as female and/or BIPOC and have a hard time accessing your anger, there's a good reason for that. Anger is not encouraged in women, and is labeled as “dangerous” in people of color in our racist and patriarchal society. 

Women are supposed to be gentle and calm. A woman exhibiting anger is not considered "womanly.” POC have all kinds of stereotypes and stigma attached to their anger, and there is a lot of resistance in our culture to admitting how much of that anger is rightful, righteous anger that we should sit back and listen to.

Any time you can access your anger is good towards recovering your whole self. One way to access anger is to notice if you're smiling while you are talking about something that makes you angry and decide to stop smiling. It makes sense to do this in a supportive environment so that we can learn to take the risk to be vulnerable with our rage, and not be afraid of retribution or judgment. 

Notice when you are smiling. Are you genuinely happy? If so, smile away! If not, take down the mask of your smile if you can, and let your true feelings have a place to live freely.

You can even release your anger in the privacy and safety of your own space through vigorous movement, singing, sounding, even yelling. And a good pillow thrashing is a positive move for us all…

To find out more how you can connect with your righteous anger through Somatic Therapy book a 20-minute free consultation call with me by clicking HERE.