“If they really loved me, they’d just know what I want.”

This belief ruins so many relationships.

Here’s the truth: no one can read your mind.

Even the most loving, attentive partner can’t know what you need unless you show them.

It’s your job to teach your lover how to love you, not because they don’t care, but because your needs, desires, and ways of feeling loved are unique.

We often assume our partner wants what we want, and we love them the way we want to be loved.

But more often than not, that’s not the case.

Our emotional languages are different.

And to make things even more fun, what we want can change from day to day, even from moment to moment.

Your partner has no way of knowing that unless you tell them.

A close cousin to this myth is

“If I have to ask, it doesn’t count.”

In reality, it counts twice.

First, it counts for your courage and vulnerability. Asking for what you need is an act of honesty, you’re showing your partner your desires, boundaries, and what makes you feel loved. That alone is meaningful.

Second, it counts for your partner’s opportunity to learn. They can’t magically know what will meet your needs, so each request is a chance for them to practice understanding and responding in a way that actually resonates with you.

Every time you ask, you’re creating a connection: expressing yourself and giving your partner a chance to love you more consciously.

And here’s another truth: asking once doesn’t magically rewire your partner’s brain.

When you’re teaching them how to love you, you’ll likely have to repeat your requests.

Not because they don’t care, but because learning a new emotional skill takes practice.

So instead of expecting them to “just know,” try seeing your relationship as a space for mutual learning.

Each time you ask, each time they practice, you’re building a love that’s conscious, intentional, and real.

When you learn how to express your needs with confidence, you’ll create a love that feels nourishing for both of you.