It’s not what you do….

Communication in relationships is the number 1 reason we feel stuck.

How can you listen without reacting?

How can you share your feelings without triggering the other person?

Communication in relationships is the number 1 reason we feel stuck. How can you listen without reacting?

We all struggle to say things in a way that another person can actually hear the communication, especially when something bothers them.

As with listening, there’s an art to delivering your message.

Step one: Approach conflict with the attitude of “we’re on the same team.” This implies an effort to minimize hurting our partner when we share what’s bothering us.

Effective delivery requires a certain level of restraint and mindfulness.

Step two: Always ask, “How can I say things in a way that can create more intimacy?”

That doesn’t preclude setting boundaries and asking for what you need. On the contrary, boundaries are essential to deepening your connection.

What matters most is not what you’re saying but how you’re saying it.

Let’s say your partner has been on their phone often while you are supposed to spend quality time together and that really bothers you.

Tell them how their behavior has been affecting you.

You can say, “When you’re on your phone when we’re supposed to be together that really hurts me because it makes me feel like I’m not important to you”.

Maybe you can even add: “I know that this is not true that I don’t matter to you but it’s hard for me to remember it in those moments, especially because my parents never had time to pay attention to me growing up”.

This kind of vulnerable presentation is more likely to elicit empathy than saying something like “You are always on your phone, You never pay attention to me!

I’m here if you’d like to improve how you communicate in your relationship, or feel free to share this message with someone else who might benefit from it.

Odelia Shargian