Need to make a choice but don’t know what you want?

Need to make choices and don’t know what you want?

This can feel so frustrating. It’s frustrating to realize you don’t know what you want.

I want to normalize not knowing. It’s ok not to know sometimes.

As frustrating as it may be not to know, sometimes it’s just not that crucial. Like if you’re deciding between chocolate or vanilla.

Sometimes it is important though. And sometimes the not knowing is about nervous system dysregulation.

I often find that it’s hard for me to know what I want in certain situations and not in others.

Like, it gets hard when there’s time pressure or when there’s other people involved and the “pleaser” in me is trying to take into account other people’s needs and wants.

In both of these instances there’s a level of activation in the system that doesn’t allow for a deeper connection to the body and its wisdom.

So, if you’re trying to make a choice and you don’t know what you want try regulating your nervous system first and see if you get an answer.

The chocolate or vanilla kind of choices are a low stakes way to practice making embodied choices that will build your capacity to make bigger choices later.

When you’re faced with having to make a choice, if you have the time and the space, place that need  to make a choice on an imaginary shelf for a moment.

Take a moment to feel your whole body and how it’s situated in space. Take a moment to notice what is touching your body and how your body is supporting it. Notice your breathing. Notice the place in you that feels ok.

Spend as much time as you need (and can reasonably spare) in this place. Let go of needing to make that choice as much as you can.

When you’re able to spend some time here, noticing the places that feel ok to the point that you forget about needing to make a choice, then you can check in and see if you get an answer.

If you need to make a choice and you don’t know what you want but it’s not urgent that you make that choice now, see if you can postpone the answer until you have time to settle first.