This hurts like hell

One of the toughest things we go through as humans is rejection.

When you want someone and they don’t want you the same way, that burns like hell.

There aren’t as many things that hurt as much as the shame and humiliation that comes with rejection.

It’s hard not to think there’s something wrong with us, and we take it personally.

There’s a way that this painful experience of rejection can be turned around and used as an amazing catalyst for growth though.

When you think about someone you love who is going through an experience of rejection it’s clear to you that it’s totally not about them.

But when it’s you? Whoa. That same rule just doesn’t apply, does it.

We rely so much on others to assure us that we are worthy, that we are lovable. In some ways it can become an addiction.

My mood can flip on a dime depending on if I’m experiencing reassurance from certain individuals or not and that’s because there are still places in me that don’t feel as solid.

I needed that reassurance a while ago when I was little, for survival.

But the truth is I don’t need it anymore. At least, not in the same way.

The thing is, I can’t just say that to myself, it doesn’t work. I need to feel it.

How do I do that?

I recognize that the current moment is triggering the pain I felt as a little one, when I didn’t get the love I needed.

Then, I replace the love that I’m not currently getting with my own love.

The parts of me that feel rejected need to FEEL that love. It can’t remain a theoretical concept.

That love might express itself in different ways: in soothing words, gentle movement, imagery or touch.

It might express itself when my witness is able to be with the emotions of grief, fear and anger that are being expressed by the younger me that didn’t get the love they needed.

Speaking of anger, when anger is present around rejection, that’s a great sign.

It means you’re able to connect to a place of power that knows that you deserved all the love in the world rather than from being a victim.

This embodiment of self-love is only possible to do when you can bring yourself into the present moment and fully inhabit your body.

This is one of the things you get to do in Somatic Therapy.