No one can do it better than you

“I’m dealing with more than I can handle”.

This story nags at me like a small child who won’t stop until mom decides to give her undivided attention.

I need to teach my somatic dance class in half an hour but how the heck do I do that when my system is sounding alarm bells?

Just like mom, I sit down with what’s here. I sense into my body.

When I ruminate I’m not in my body. Noticing how my body is located in space helps me come into my body and that stops the rumination.

I can finally feel the pain on a sensation level.

Then I realize:

It’s my younger self.

Something about my current life condition is causing her to experience her abandonment wound. On speed.

The voice of alarm chimes in and says to the adult me: “You better get some help, quick. You can’t go on like this. You’ll fall apart”.

I speak to both.

To the little girl I say:

”You’re hopeful about getting a hand with your big feelings of abandonment so you’re trying to show them to me all at once. I really do want to help you but we’re going to have to do that in smaller chunks”.

My plan? Make a conscious effort to place my attention on the interesting details around me in the present.

I gently and lovingly invite the young me to come dance with me in class. “We love dancing, remember? We get to dance with our favorite people.”

I promise I’m not disregarding her pain.

To the part that’s freaking out I say, “It’s good to seek support from others but we also have everything we need right here”.

I feel into my whole body again and I sense it as my container.

If I can remember to keep doing exactly what I’m doing now when this set of feelings arise, I’m good. I can actually handle it.

Actually, no one can do it better than me.

My experience in dealing with something that feels too much to handle is that finding the internal support is as important as finding the external.

It involves remembering that whenever I decide to place my awareness on my body it feels like “home” and that this feeling is always available to me.

It takes practice but once mastered it’s like flipping a switch.