The myth of 50/50

So much trouble is caused in relationships because people think things always need to be split in half.

The goal is actually to have both people feel satisfied and that they can express their full selves in the relationship.

For example, you might have a core desire to be worshiped.

Yes, it’s a thing! And a totally legitimate one!

You might not even know this is what you want deep inside.

But because you haven’t identified this core desire and you think that things should always be “equal”, including giving and receiving pleasure, you might not feel comfortable being at the receiving end of things for an entire love making session and you might try to give only out of fairness.

There are people whose turn on is solely giving pleasure. Receiving actually takes away from their experience. Their receiving is derived entirely from giving.

What if your partner is one of those people?

If you try to give just because you think that’s what they want, you both lose.

Neither of you get to realize your full erotic potential. Neither of you get to receive the maximum pleasure you could get by filling your deepest longing.

That’s such a shame because filling your deepest sexual longing is the difference between “meh” sex and good sex, not to speak of transcendent sex!

There are other situations in life in which it also makes sense to ditch the 50/50 mentality.

A common example is when couples think they need to be equally interested in spending time going out and interacting with people.

You could be more introverted than your partner.

You actually suffer in social situations but you don’t want to keep them from doing the things they enjoy.

Work to acknowledge and accept your differences and agree that it’s ok for them to go and for you not to and to know that you’re still good together.