When positivity turns negative

How do you feel when you’re going through something particularly difficult and someone says something like “everything happens for a reason” or “look at the bright side”.

If you’re like me you might feel even crummier than before.

That’s because you’re experiencing Toxic Positivity which is a near cousin of positive thinking, taken to extreme.

There’s something in our culture that encourages “good vibes only” and that can be very problematic.

Some of the ways that Toxic Positivity can be harmful:

1. It’s isolating -

It’s so easy to feel that you’re all on your own when there’s no validation to your experience from the environment around you

2. It promotes shame and guilt -

Getting the message that there’s always a positive side to things can leave you feeling like there’s something wrong with you when your experience the opposite and you can’t see the silver lining

3. It stifles our growth as a human being -

The only way real growth can happen is if you allow yourself to deal with your challenges rather than trying to brush them away or bypass them

4. It blocks your ability to be connected and compassionate towards others -

If you can’t have empathy for your own suffering there’s no way in the world you can have real empathy for others. Empathy is a key factor for human flourishing.

5. It can cause you to “snap” unexpectedly and often experience inexplicable anger -

When you don’t allow yourself to experience deep feelings such as grief, the only channel that’s left is anger, which tends to be a more acceptable emotion in our society.

Positive thinking can be very helpful but like any good thing there could be too much of it.

It happens because it’s too hard to face difficult emotions since most people don’t have a safe place where they can allow themselves to be honest about them.

This is where therapy can play a part.

Specifically, somatic therapy as it makes room for you to deepen your connection with your emotions in the most visceral and direct way and experience them as a natural, integral part of your humanity.